You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
