i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
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