I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
