I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
