operation harelip BJ is a go
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
