He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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