Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
