There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
