Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
try to milk me bitch
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
