I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
