how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
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I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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