Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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