you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
