omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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