the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
