Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
