Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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