At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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