The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
