I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
