I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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