do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
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You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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