i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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