I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
