I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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