Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
