I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
