think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now