Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
