Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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