you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
