very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
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I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am