suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.