I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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