I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow