Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

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  (214): i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat" http://tfl.nu/yhqk
  Replies (30) Good night (5008) Bad night (1044)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

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  (864): After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?! http://tfl.nu/q1jx
  Replies (17) Good night (1725) Bad night (4058)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

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  (319): the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler http://tfl.nu/fwfa
  Replies (12) Good night (5879) Bad night (931)
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  (607): View more from New York

  i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?

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  (607): i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life? http://tfl.nu/2cyx
  Replies (27) Good night (1048) Bad night (5210)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?

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  (709): Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank? http://tfl.nu/b51n
  Replies (5) Good night (2242) Bad night (1017)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.

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  (256): He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m. http://tfl.nu/vqeg
  Replies (9) Good night (866) Bad night (2261)
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  (916): View more from California

  Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash

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  (916): Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash http://tfl.nu/rtwe
  Replies (9) Good night (2415) Bad night (736)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis

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  (607): Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis http://tfl.nu/770f
  Replies (8) Good night (2065) Bad night (730)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.

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  (617): like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds. http://tfl.nu/7cy7
  Replies (2) Good night (1161) Bad night (595)
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  (831): View more from California

  I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.

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  (831): I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible. http://tfl.nu/g067
  Replies (5) Good night (973) Bad night (639)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.

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  (+61): only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rzvd
  Replies (2) Good night (922) Bad night (483)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area

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  (612): He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area http://tfl.nu/q3t9
  Replies (2) Good night (900) Bad night (417)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My day in three words: secret purse cake

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  (847): My day in three words: secret purse cake http://tfl.nu/hvdp
  Replies (0) Good night (624) Bad night (483)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Sex is always the answer.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?

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  (630): Sex is always the answer. (630): Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year? http://tfl.nu/kqhl
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (424)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent

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  (407): I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent http://tfl.nu/qh18
  Replies (3) Good night (384) Bad night (519)

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