My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
