I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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