its not stalking. its research.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
