went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
