saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize