I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
