I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
