I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
