Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
