yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
