What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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