ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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