Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
