If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
