So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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