I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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