yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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