I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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