I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
