Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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