I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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