VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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