So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
