it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
