I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
