i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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