i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
