I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
