I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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