recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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