My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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