Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...