hotties wanna shake it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
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He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal