I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma