and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here