he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
These Dirty People Havenâ€™t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.