She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
