it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
