Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
